Simply Observing?
by TakoMaguro
Summary: Ciaran first saw him from her bedroom window and proceeded to watch him every week at the market. What happens when Sebastian develops an interest in this poor butcher's daughter? Will fate keep them separated? Rated M for sexual situations. SebXOC
1. First sight

27/08/2009 17:46:00

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji. I only own this OC. :D**

2 September 1888

I saw him from my window today. He's hard to miss; tall, pale, and devilishly handsome. I watched him for what seemed a while as he was undoubtedly doing grocery shopping for his master.

Yes… He was a butler. A black butler; a demon. And he was beautiful. His red eyes betrayed his human appearance and his black hair did little to hide them from view. I had never seen someone so handsome in my nineteen years.

He had looked over at me, but I couldn't say anything. I couldn't do anything but gasp and look away. Had he known I was staring at him? I looked back to see him smiling at me. I could only stare at the perfection what was his smiling face. Immediately, I looked around to see if there was someone else he could possibly have been smiling at before making a fool out of myself. I saw no one, and looked back at him, but he was gone.

Of course he was gone. He was always so fast. I wished I could move about with such grace, but alas, this butcher's daughter was as clumsy as humanly possible. The floor had decided long ago to make a friend of me. I suppose I couldn't reject it since I found my face pressed against it far too often. That's what I hated about dresses. Oh how I wished to have been born a boy. I wouldn't have to deal with the pains of tripping over the hem of my dress every time I came down the stairs.

I was only glad that **he** hadn't seen me fall. What ever his name was… I was determined to find out.

From the moment I first saw him in the market today, I knew I loved him. Unfortunately, a person of his social standing would never even think of courting someone like me. Whether he was the Earl Ciel Phantomhive's butler or not, I would not be accepted into his world.

And so I decided to just observe him. Yes… I think that would be the safest thing for me to do.


	2. Meeting?

02/09/2009 21:44:00

**I know I wasn't going to upload this until next week… But I don't want to keep people waiting too long without really knowing what this story is about. The first chapter is really vague, and I think this one is more… I don't know what word to use. This one is longer, obviously, and it's got more stuff. Plus, Ciaran and Sebastian actually meet. :O **

**Disclaimer: I'm not the creator of Kuroshitsuji, and I most certainly do not have the copyright papers to Sebastian, or any of the other characters in the show. I only own Ciaran Aisling Kelly. :3**

9 September 1888

He came again to the market today. I saw him enter the teashop from my bedroom window. He always went to the teashop first. I watched him exit with a bag and then enter the dairy shop. He left with nothing but his bag of teas. I assumed he made an appointment for a delivery.

He then looked towards my father's butcher shop, right below where I had been sitting. He walked towards the front door, and I decided I should help father downstairs.

I carefully went down the stairs, not wanting to trip in front of the beautiful stranger I had seen twice now from my window. As if on queue, as soon as I hit the last stair, I stepped on the hem and fell forward. I braced myself for the fall, ready to hit the floor, but the impact never came. Instead, a felt an arm wrap around my waist, and my face was suddenly pressed into something hard and warm, that smelled suspiciously of summer rain.

Then it was gone, and I was left standing there, a bewildered look on my face. He must have thought me a fool. I looked up at him and he smiled at me. The same smile as last week. The one that made my face red and my knees shake beneath my dress. I'd have fainted back into his arms if my father hadn't started speaking to me.

"Ciaran, you little whore. Go make yourself useful," he all but yelled at me. I should have known he'd have seen my spill on the stairs, and how the nameless butler caught me, then seemed to push me away. At least, it may have seemed like he pushed me away, but he was rather gentle in standing back on my feet.

"Sorry, Father," I quietly said in an almost whisper. I backed away, back towards the stairs. As I began preparing my father's knives for the butler's orders, I made a point to pay attention so as not to make even more of a fool of myself to avoid my father's insults and criticism and not to cut myself accidentally. I struggled. My father spoke to him as if he was familiar with him. How could that have been? I'd never seen him come into the shop before.

"Sebastian, my boy. How have you been?" my father asked him almost giddily.

_So his name is Sebastian. _I smiled to myself, glad to finally know his name. Though I was slightly irritated at my father's "my boy," I pushed it aside and waited for Sebastian to speak. I prepared myself for a soft, higher pitched voice to match his elegant features. What I hadn't been prepared for, however, was his lilting, velvety voice.

"I'm doing fine, Mr. Kelly," he said as he smiled at my father. There was something different about this smile, though. It was different than the one he showed me not even five minutes prior. There was something malicious about it despite its innocent façade.

"Please, please, Sebastian, call me Humphrey," my father laughed, patting Sebastian on the shoulder. I swear I saw his perfect smile falter as my father touched him. The man most likely disgusted him.

It was true. My father was a dirty man. He rarely combed his greasy hair, he wore the same clothes for several days in a row, he hardly bathed himself, and he was missing several teeth. He was definitely not a man who a person would want to be touched by. His language was just as dirty as his skin.

_Perhaps that's why Mother tried to leave him._

I smirked to myself before turning back to cleaning the sharp instruments in my hands. It was common knowledge that he had stabbed my mother as she ran for the front door, wanting to be free of him and his habitual drunkenness. He stabbed her in the chest. Five times. I watched it happen at the grand age of seventeen years old. That was when I started this diary.

It was also when I first saw **him**. When I first saw Sebastian.

"I require the usual amount of beef, pork, and lamb," Sebastian tenderly swayed my father from the previous topic of conversation by telling him what he needed, smiling all the while.

"Of course, of course. How silly of me to forget," he laughed a bit before turning to me, an angry look on his face. "Ciaran! You're slow just like your mother. How do you expect to get a respectable job when you're as useless as a sack of potatoes?"

"Actually, Mr. Kelly," Sebastian intercepted, "Potatoes are far from useless. There are many meals that can be made from only potatoes." He was still smiling, and he was defending me.

I blinked, not really sure of what had happened, and looked at my father, expecting him to go into a rage and verbally tear Sebastian to pieces.

"You are right, they aren't useless," he mumbled thoughtfully as he visibly slumped and grabbed the now clean knives from my hands. He went into the back, undoubtedly to cut up the meats that Sebastian had ordered.

I finished drying my hands on my apron and walked to the counter, preparing to write out the amount owed by the handsome butler. Before I could write out anything, or even grab the pen and ink, he placed £20 in front of me.

I stared dumbly at the amount of money before me. He smiled gently and said "Keep the extra for yourself" before walking back towards the door. "Tell your father I'll be back in an hour to pick up my order. I have some more shopping to attend to."

I nodded and watched him leave before quickly doing the math in my head, and taking the rather generous tip he had left solely for me, smiling warmly as I headed to the back room to relay Sebastian's message to my father.

Once I had told my father Sebastian would return for his order, I went back to my room to hide the money away. I knew if my father found it, he'd think I'd taken up on prostitution like he always told me I would. "That's all you'd be good for" he'd say. "You're a whore just like your mother."

I always got that… "You're a ____ just like your mother." "Your mother was a _____. That must be where you got it from." "No man will ever want a disgusting tramp like you. I don't see why I ever loved your mother." "You sleep with men for money, and Jack The Ripper's coming to come get you." He used Jack The Ripper lines far too often on me to be scared anymore. All to which I respond with "Jack doesn't stalk his victims. He randomly mutilates the first woman who asks him to bed for a little bit of money. If you'd pay any attention to the newspapers, you'd know that. So unless you are the Ripper, you'd have no way I am on his 'list of targets.' But seeing as I'm not a prostitute, and that I'm a nineteen year old virgin, I wouldn't be on that list in the first place."

I supposed it was because I looked like my mother. I had her dark hair, her blue eyes, her fair skin, her high cheekbones, her rose petal lips, her long fingers, everything.

About an hour after hiding my money and lying on my small bed, thinking of Sebastian, I heard the shop's door open and close. I suspected it was he. I heard him casually talking to my father. I silently crept down the stairs and listened to what they were saying.

"Was that your daughter, Mr. Kelly?" I heard Sebastian's soft tenor say. Immediately I blushed, smiling to myself. _He's asking about me._ I could have squealed in girlish delight, but in order to not give away my position, I kept silent.

My joy died when my father spoke. "She's useless. She can't clean, she can't cook, she trips ever everything including herself, she's weak and she's just plain useless." He really should change his name to Humphrey Buzzkillington. "A hopeless cause and a waste of space." He was not one to speak about being a waste of space.

"She didn't seem so." He was so polite. I made a decision then that I would strive for politeness. To be proper is what I had always desired. "She seemed to fit well in the kitchen." I could hear his smile in his speech, and felt myself smile as well. "If I would be allowed, perhaps I should take her to the Phantomhive estate and relieve you of any inconvenience?"

I felt my breath leave my body, and I believe I fainted, though miraculously, I didn't fall. I was slumped against the wall, still holding myself up. He wanted me to go away with him! I recovered quickly when I heard my father speak, once again ripping away my happiness.

"No. She will do nothing but cause you trouble." I could hear the movement of packages, and guessed my father was putting them in a bag for Sebastian. "I told you she is useless. There is no need for her in your place of work." For someone who seemed to hate me, he sure seemed to not want to let me leave. Was it this way when my mother wanted to leave? He seemed hell bent on keeping me his prisoner.

"I see. Well, if you change your mind, you may simply send a letter," he was still smiling despite my father's rejection to let him save me.

But I could not talk to him. No. Horrible with words as I am, I could never speak to him. Everything would come out wrong as it always does. I choose to keep quiet so my lack of social skill is not obvious. One of the few reasons I mostly keep to my room and watch people.

**Okay… If you like it, PLEASE review so I know whether to continue it, or delete it. :D THANKS GUYS!**


	3. No Longer Just Observing

I'm glad people wanted this~ :3 I've had it written for a while, so I've just been waiting to post. :D I'm pathetic. It's okay though, because I love you all, and I know you've been waiting as well. :DD

**Disclaimer: Do I have to repeat every chapter that I don't own Kuroshitsuji? Ciaran is mine though, and I don't plan on giving up ownership of her. I like her… **

16 August 1888

I have had a revelation. I am truly living a dreadful life. I'm being held prisoner in my overprotective father's home; the man I love, I'm not allowed to talk to or my father would undoubtedly punish me; I only see the man I love once a week for about an hour out my window. He didn't come today. Maybe he gave up on me. He _had_ asked my father's permission to take me in and to give me a job. My idiot of a father refused, saying I'm pathetically useless. I'm not completely useless; at least I didn't think so… Mother wouldn't have praised me so much if I were completely useless.

There are many things I can do. Father said I couldn't cook or clean only because I usually end up getting hurt while doing it. Being clumsy does not make me useless. Indeed it does not. It's not entirely true, either. I clean all the time and I've only been hurt from it a few times.

I'm smart. Really smart. I never can express my intellect due to my lacking social skills. It really is a shame. Mother used to tell me I had amazing deductive skills, and that had I been born a male, I'd surely raise in the ranks quickly among Scotland Yard.

That would have been rather nice. Perhaps then my father wouldn't treat me as if I was nothing but a mistake.

That's what he often made me feel like, anyway.

"CIARAN, YOU BLOODY GIT!" he'd scream. "CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?"

No… No, I can't.

After the uneventful day, came uneventful night. Or so I thought. I heard a small bang at my bedroom window as I lay in bed. Wondering who could have been wanting _my_ attention, I opened it, and immediately saw Sebastian throwing pebbles from the alleyway. It was silly. He was a grown man, was he not?

Regardless, there he was, throwing pebbles at my windowpane like a teenage boy trying to sneak his love interest out of her home without her parents noticing. He asked if he could come in, and of course I allowed him. How could I not?

Never in my life have I ever seen anyone able to jump from the ground through a first floor window, and land perfectly on his or her feet. He smiled and bowed shallowly, to which I curtsied, blushing lightly.

"If my father finds you here, he'll kill us both," I whispered quietly to him. I really did not want any interactions with Sebastian to be cut short by my father bursting in with knives.

"I couldn't let him do that," he whispered back, smiling sweetly as he pushed my hair behind my ear gently. This small action caused my blush to deepen dramatically. I honestly could have died that moment and I'd have died a happy adolescent.

He obviously picked up on my thoughts, as his face turned serious. "No, I really can't."

I assumed my blush disappeared, and I stepped back from him, now nervous as to what was going on. "What do you mean?"

He smiled again, and moved closer to the window, preparing to leave again. "Now if I told you that, the surprise would be ruined."

With that, he was gone.

I ran to the window. No Sebastian. Just alleyway. He'd literally disappeared.

I sighed and blew out the candle that was keeping my room alight before quickly slipping into bed. I lay there for quite a while thinking of what Sebastian could possibly want with someone as ordinary as myself. It was truly confusing. I couldn't think of any reason at all.

I'm not even that pretty. At least that's what my father's told me for the past I don't know how long. It has to be true, though. No one's ever told me that I'm at all attractive. So I couldn't be, could I?

I truly don't know what to believe anymore. I wish someone would tell me whom I should trust, whom to listen to.

I don't know how much longer I stared at the moon out my window thinking of Sebastian before I fell asleep.

So maybe my wearisome life was about to get a little interesting…

17 August 1888

As I worked in my father's shop today, I noticed people watching me more than normal. Even the Undertaker down the street a bit came out of his store to watch me for at least an hour before returning to re recluse like habits and darting back inside.

It rained today. Surely standing out in the rain would have made him sick.

What an odd man he is…

I suppose that's really all that happened, other than the usual from my father, though he seemed to be only half-heartedly abusive.

I really don't know what's going on. What happened while I was sleeping to cause this dramatic change?

On another note, there was no sign of Sebastian today. Perhaps next week at the usual time, then.

I can't wait…

**Yayy~ Chapter three's finally finished~**

**And just for those of you who are American, the first floor in England, is the second floor in America. :]**

**By the way… Thank you all for waiting so long. I know this chapter isn't that long, but I tried my hardest to make it longer than it was originally. Thank you for all your support and stuffs. 3**


	4. Author's Note

My dear, loyal fans,

I'm sad to announce that _Simply Observing? _may be discontinued. My muse and person Ciaran is based on is no longer speaking to me, and I don't know how to write it without her. I've been trying, but it keeps ending up MarySueish and gross.

I'm sorry to all who were looking forward to the next chapter, and eventually end to the story of Ciaran and Sebastian. I thank you all for your continued support, but chapter four is not likely to ever come.

My deepest apologies for this disappointment.

Sincerely,

Lady Ookami/TheGreatestDisappearingAct/WhateverI'mCallingMyselfThisWeek


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